Since giving birth, you may have noticed shifts in how your body and mind respond.

For some, these changes are subtle. For others, they feel more intense or harder to understand, especially if something about the birth or postpartum experience felt overwhelming, out of control, or didn’t fully settle.

Often, there’s a sense that your body is responding in ways you didn’t expect.

This can show up in a number of ways, including:

• your body feels more on edge than you expected

• your mind won’t settle, especially around your baby’s safety

• thoughts or images show up that feel distressing or out of character

• you find yourself scanning for what could go wrong

• medical appointments, procedures, or hospitals feel harder than they used to

• something about the birth or postpartum experience still doesn’t feel settled in your body

For some, it shows up differently:

• you feel more distant or disconnected than you expected

• it’s hard to feel fully present, even when you want to be

• bonding hasn’t come as naturally as you thought it would

• parts of the experience feel unclear, foggy, or hard to access

You may also notice:

• you witnessed a birth or medical experience that felt intense, and something hasn’t settled since

• parts of the birth or postpartum experience replay in your mind or body in ways you didn’t expect

At times, it can feel confusing.

You love your baby, and yet your body feels constantly alert.
Or you want to feel connected, but something feels just out of reach.

What’s happening

After birth, your body is already under significant strain.

There are changes in:

• hormones

• sleep

• identity

• and responsibility

At the same time, your system becomes more attuned to potential risk, especially when caring for a new baby.

For some people, this connects to specific moments during pregnancy, birth, or postpartum care that felt overwhelming, out of control, or too much at the time.

Experiences involving a loss of control, fear, or not being heard during birth can have a lasting impact on how the body responds afterward.

This isn’t always about one moment. It’s often about how your body responded during birth, combined with what it has learned over time.

It can reflect a combination of:

• how your body experienced the intensity or vulnerability of birth

• earlier experiences that shaped how you respond to stress, safety, or loss of control

• patterns your system has learned over time to stay safe

These experiences are not always stored as clear, narrative memories.

Often, they are held more implicitly, through:

• physical tension

• heightened alertness

• emotional or relational responses that come on quickly

What you’re experiencing isn’t random.

It reflects a body that is still responding to something that, at the time, felt like too much.

How your system tries to cope

When something in the body hasn’t fully settled after an overwhelming experience, your system moves quickly to manage it.

For some people, this shows up as:

• staying constantly alert

• trying to anticipate and prevent what could go wrong

• going over things repeatedly or seeking reassurance

For others, it can look very different.

There may be a pull to:

• disconnect or shut down

• avoid certain situations or feelings

• or move toward things that bring temporary relief or escape

Sometimes this includes behaviours that feel out of character, like:

• increased use of alcohol or substances

• changes in relationships or decision-making

• acting in ways that don’t quite match how you usually see yourself

These are not signs that something is wrong with you.

They are ways your system is trying to regulate, create distance, or restore a sense of control when something feels like too much.

How I approach this work

We don’t begin by trying to stop the thoughts or push through the reactions.

We begin by understanding how your body and mind have organized in response to what they’ve been through.

We don’t work against these responses. We work with what they’re trying to do.

This work often begins with helping your body come out of that constant state of alert and supporting it in settling again.

As things begin to stabilize, we can also begin to explore and process experiences that felt overwhelming or difficult for your system to fully process at the time.

This can include aspects of the birth or postpartum experience, as well as earlier experiences that continue to shape how your system responds to stress, safety, or vulnerability.

This can involve:

• working with how these experiences are still held in the body

• reducing the intensity of how they are being relived or responded to

• helping your system differentiate between past and present

• allowing incomplete responses in the body to move toward resolution

Approaches like EMDR and somatic therapies support this process, not by forcing you to relive what was overwhelming, but by helping your system process it in a way that feels contained and manageable.

At the same time, we work with the parts of you that have taken on protective roles, so they no longer have to stay on guard in the same way.

What therapy can begin to change

As your body begins to settle, things don’t just get quieter. They start to feel different.

• your body feels less braced, and more able to return to a steadier baseline

• the sense of needing to stay on guard begins to soften

• your reactions feel less immediate, with more space to respond

If your experience has included anxiety or intrusive thoughts:

• the urgency around them begins to ease

• they feel less gripping, and easier to move through

If your experience has been more about disconnection:

• feeling present in your body becomes more accessible

• connection begins to feel more natural, rather than forced

• emotional responses return more gradually and clearly

And when your experience is connected to birth or postpartum care:

• your body no longer responds as if it’s still happening

• the intensity around those moments begins to shift

• what once felt overwhelming starts to feel more integrated

Over time, this creates a different relationship to what your body is doing.

Not because you’re trying to control it,
but because your system no longer has to respond in the same way.

Available for virtual counselling across British Columbia

If something in this feels familiar, you’re welcome to reach out.

You don’t need to have a clear explanation for what’s happening.
We can begin with what your system is already showing.